Chamkili
Ch- 14
Heralding the quest…
Celina entered
Khushi’s cabin to find her walking from one end of her smaller cabin to
another. Her fingers twisting the end of her dupatta and her lower lip trapped
between her teeth in a grip that seemed quite painful to Celina. She knocked
the door once again and Khushi came back from… from wherever her mind was
wandering. Still standing at the door,
Celina offered a polite formal greeting and then informed her about the meeting
that should have started by now but for her.
Khushi looked at her watch and then gasped.
“Oh! I am sorry Celinaji. Lavanyaji had told me about the
meeting a while ago, I should have kept that in mind. Give me a minute please.”
and saying that Khushi started gathering her things.
Celina looked at her and not as trained in schooling her
expressions as her formidable husband, she could clearly see the confused and
stressed woman lurking from behind the façade of composure that Khushi had
forcefully imposed on her body language.
“Umm Khushi, is something on your mind? I don’t mean to
pry, but you seem much stressed.” Celina asked, keeping her tone formal still.
“Oh nothing Celinaji, I am fine. Just a little personal
hitch, nothing I can’t take care of though.” Khushi didn’t think it was a good
idea to share something so personal with a colleague.
“Oh, okay! Shall we leave then, everyone is waiting for
us.” Celina knew better than to intrude on someone’s personal space. And so
with her files finally in place, Khushi left with Celina for the meeting.
Throughout the meeting Celina’s attention was trained on
Khushi. No one saw anything out of the ordinary and the meeting continued.
Celina too wouldn’t have seen it had she not been looking for it. But she had
been looking and so she could see that Khushi was attentive, a little too attentive
and the force and effort of it didn’t go unnoticed by her. Celina didn't harbor
any friendly feelings for her and was always conscious of all her moves. Well,
she had to be, afterall wasn't she Arnav SIngh Raizada'a wife? And yet, despite
all she couldn't deny the feeling of good-will that she did have for this very
odd and quirky girl. Celina observed as
Khushi jotted down points in a note-pad, frowned at figures she couldn't
understand, strained to hear what others had to say and yet amidst all this she
remained errily quiet. She was there and yet not quite.
The meeting
ended with the facts in place, both that needed to be showcased and those that
needed to be safeguarded; Figures, with their inflated and deflated versions
ready; People, with their parts and positions rehearsed. The presentation was
ready to be performed... while another performance was being performed
already. Samay had just said something
and everyone laughed at that, and seeing them laugh Khushi stretched her lips
too. Lavanya said something about Khushi's spicy secret and Khushi acknowledged
it with a polite smile on a pale face, the ever-ready blush on the bare mention
of her husband's name suspiciously missing from her face.
Celina prided
herself on her observational skills. That was what she required to survive and
that was what gave her, the right to. She
could sense Khushi’s discomfort, her fear, something was on her mind and Celina
could bet her life on it. Her first thought was that all her worst fears had
come true and that Khushi was going to betray all of KaLa’a secrets to her
husband’s firm. But her feminine instinct told her it was different, that
Khushi could cheat and yet, she would not; that Khushi was more than their
rival’s wife and so her problems could be her own, hers and hers only. And so
with the kind of interest and care that one human being has for another, she
approached her once everyone else had left.
“Hey Khushi!
Do you have a minute?”
“Ji Celinaji.”
“Okay, I don’t
have the ability to beat around the bush and so I’ll get right to the point.
Well, I cannot shake this feeling that you are very upset about something…” she
saw Khushi trying to explain something but continued before she could say
anything. “See, I know the kind of relationship we share and that you are not
obliged to tell me anything. And believe me I won’t really mind if you decide
not to. It’s just that today you weren’t
yourself and with the presentation so close I am a little worried. Losing
focus at this moment could be really detrimental to the whole thing. And beside
all that, if I can, I would like to help you.”
Khushi was
baffled. Why was Celinaji taking so much interest in her life all of a sudden?
Was she okay? Did she do some grave mistake in the meeting? But no one else said
anything about anything? Khushi was still struggling with all these questions
when Celina once again called her attention.
“Khushi, see
you really don’t have to, I understand.” and saying that she turned away from
her and to the door, but was stopped by the subject of her interest.
“No Celinaji,
I… I… wo actually…” Celina saw her nervousness and regretted her enquiry.
The inquisitive side of her really crossed the line sometimes.
“Khushi, it’s
really fine, it was my mistake, I shouldn't have tried to delve into your
private space. I apologize.” But Khushi had already made up her mind and so she
started again.
“No Celinaji,
you were just concerned and I am grateful for that. Actually, I was a little
worried today. Wo, since the presentation was due for today, me and my husband
made plans for a week long vacation and now that the presentation has been
postponed I… I don’t know what to do.” She had been the verge of a break-down
the entire day and now that Celina had poked the bricks once again, the damn
holding her feelings inside seemed ready to burst.
“Oh!” Celina
wasn’t sure how she felt about this. Compared to the things that she had been
imagining, this seemed like a relief and yet, Khushi’s waxen face,
now red with her attempt of holding back her tears, told her that it wasn’t
supposed to be a relief.
“Khushi, if
you really want to go, just talk to La or Mr. Kapoor, I am sure they’ll
understand and don’t worry we’ll handle everything.” Celina said in a
comforting tone.
“But… but I
want to attend the meeting. But then Arnavji planned this whole trip and now if I
say we can’t go, I don’t know how he’ll react. And I want to go as well. Devi
Maiya please help.” Celina found herself wondering for the first time about how old
was this woman or girl… or child?
“Khushi you
have to make a choice and believe me whatever choice you make, no one would
blame you, everyone will understand.” She looked at Khushi and she still seemed
undecided, so Celina added after a little pause,
“Khushi making compromises in a relationship is not a
woman’s duty, it’s a choice, and if you ask me, a generous one at that.” Celina
smiled at Khushi and then started collecting her things. She knew Khushi needed
to make her own choices and saying anything more would have been forcing her
into the direction that she thought was right and Celina actually practised
what she preached. And so she moved out, leaving Khushi alone, letting her share her space with one that rarely ever staked any claim on her… her space.
_________________________________________________________________
“Thank god,
you are here. I thought you ran off scared of the honey-moon. Remember the time
I had proposed backward rituals and how freaked out you were.” Arnav smiled
brightly, he was in one of his very unusual ecstatic moods and that made things all
the more difficult for Khushi. She was forced to take a guilt trip once again.
‘No, I have to talk to him, he’ll surely
understand.’ Khushi steeled herself. But before she could say anything,
Arnav started once again,
“Khushi, all
my stuff has been packed and I took the liberty of packing some of my favorite
things for you too. I’ll suggest, you pack everything up soon after dinner
because we have an early flight and so you’ll have to get-up early. But no need
to worry, I’ll wake you up with a kiss on your lips… or maybe somewhere else…”
he winked at her. It wasn't a sight everyone was lucky enough to see, Arnav
Singh Raizada talking with the excitement of a four year old, going for his
first train-ride. And the steel melted once again.
“Ji.” She said in a quiet whisper. And in his excitement,
her husband took that quite little, whispery “Ji” as a shy acceptance rather
than what it was, a sigh of resignation.
________________________________________________________________
“Aakashji, is
it so important? Do you have to leave tonight? When tomorrow…” Payal didn’t
need to finish it as she knew that he would understand what she was trying to
convey. Some things you didn’t need to say.
“Payal, I have
already told you how important this deal is, please don’t do this right now.” Aakash
said with his back to her. He didn’t want to face her… to face her fears… to
face his fears…
“Aakashji,
please just one day. Please, I promise I won’t stop you then. Please Aakashji.”
Payal was on the verge of breaking.
“Payal please
don’t do this, not right now.” He paused and then turned towards her. Then
moving to where she was sitting, he cradled her face in his palms and then
looking into her eyes he said in a very gentle tone.
“Payal, please
understand! Now, with Bhai going away for a whole week, the entire
responsibility falls on me. Please Payal try to understand, I wouldn’t be doing
this if I had any choice. You are such a lovely person and very good wife, I
know you understand.” He placed a soft kiss on her forehead and then moved
towards the cup-board once again, expecting his wife would follow, like always…
packing his stuff for him, like always… understanding, nah, obeying him, like
always.
“Aacha Payal, I was thinking…” he turned back, expecting
to find his wife just a step behind him like always, but she was not there.
Some always’ are not meant to be.
_________________________________________________________________
Khushi had
packed everything right after the dinner, as he had told her, but he had
noticed that she had gone through the dinner very ceremoniously, just like he
sometimes sat through those never-ending havans and pujas that his family threw every once in a while.
He had read her hesitance and slight withdrawal as her nervous excitement, but
he was beginning to see better now. The hesitance was there, the nervousness
was also present, the excitement, however, was absent, not hidden, absent. And that
troubled him. Her pain, her withdrawal, her distance, always did. He had
planned a romantic night for them, the chocolate syrup finally in place and
ready to use. But her quiet withdrawal had dampened his spirit well, and the
chocolate syrup still lay unused. His line of thought was broken as she stirred
in his arms. He knew she was faking sleep, because he was doing the same.
Sometime
during the night, he felt her disentangling herself from him. He let her. With
a narrow slit of his eyes, while still pretending to sleep, he saw her look at
him once and then convinced that he was asleep, she got her dupatta and left the room, very conscious of making the least amount of noise possible. He
had a fair enough idea of where exactly she might have gone. He closed his eyes
and laid there. She needed her space and he would give it to her.
His
resolution, however, didn’t last for long and barely ten minutes later he was
found climbing down the stairs and heading towards the kitchen. And of course
there she was and on the counter next to her was a small pile of jalebis, small
but consistently rising. And Khushi
Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada making jalebis was a firmer proof of her grief and
confusion than a man with a bloodied weapon standing near a murdered man, of
his guilt.
“Khushi, what
happened? Did someone say anything to you or did something happen at your work?
And please don’t insult my love for you by saying you are fine.” He asked her
while gently cupping her face.
“Arnavji,
please I can’t.” she said looking down.
“Khushi, if it
was anything else, believe me I wouldn’t have asked you a second time, but if
something makes you sad then I do need to know it and no, here I won’t take no
for an answer.” His tone held a finality and the dam that his wife had been
building the whole day finally gave way to tears of tiredness and guilt that
were now dampening his t-shirt as he quietly caressed her hair.
“Arnavji, wo
after you called about the bookings in the afternoon, Lavanyaji… she… she told
me that the meeting… the final presentation for our new project has been
postponed to Monday... this Monday. And I didn’t know what to do. Believe me I
really really want to go with you and I was… no, I am very excited about this
trip and I know that you are really excited too. And I don’t know what to do.
But this is my first presentation and it’s really important that I be here and
I don’t want to let down Lavanyaji and Kapoorji. But I can’t let you down too.
And I am feeling so guilty because either way I am letting down someone and I
don’t want to. I don’t know what to do Arnavji. Please tell what I should do
and I’ll do that.” Sobs at indefinite intervals still rocked her slight frame
but her husband by her side, still holding her in his arms was giving her all
the strength she needed.
“Khushi, when
you clearly don’t want to go then there is no point talking about it.” She
disentangled her form from his and looked at him, her shock evident in her
eyes, the sobbing stopped though. And they stood there silently looking at each
other. He couldn’t hold it for long though and a small playful smile lifted a
corner of his lips.
“This is what
you expected, right?” he once again took her in his arms and continued. His smile
intact and so was her shock.
“Khushi we are
husband and wife, equal partners in this merger, I mean marriage and no one
party, I mean person is obligated to make all the compromises. Why would you
even think that this would hurt me? Khushi, I am there for you and I know that
you are there for me and these little bumps we’ll find all the time, but
believe me these little hitches would only strengthen our contract, I mean
connection.” He paused and then kissed the top her head before continuing once
again.
“Khushi, never
forget that we are equals. There are very few people I actually respect in this
world and you are one of them, so never change. Besides, I love that spunk you
have, the spirit of individuality, it’s precious Khushi and I will never let
you lose it. And we have a long life ahead of us, hoping you won’t give me
heart-attacks like today…” she hit his chest at that,
“Or hit me so
much, so these trips will be many. Khushi, I am greatful to Lavanya that she
gave you the chance you needed and I would never let you crush your dreams for
anything or anyone, not even me, okay?” He smiled at her and hugged her once
again. She hugged him back and thanked her guardian goddess for the nth time
for the gift that was her Arnavji.
“Khushi, is
everything ready for the presentation?”
“Hmmm.”
“So, you have this
week-end free?”
“Hmmm.”
“So, it’s okay
if we plan something for the weekend, right?” Her eyes lit-up as she looked at him
in awe. He really was her rajkumar, her prince charming. She hugged him again
and he got his answer. Smiling at her and then caressing her hair, he asked,
“So, where do
you want to go?”
“Nainitaal.”
And that one word brought all the hazy memories back; memories of her sanak and
his gussa; her fear and his regret; of him fighting for her and her getting the
first glimpses of her lover… her very possessive lover; glimpse of his love and of her love…
“Nainitaal it
is then, my love. Just remind me to check the car tank before we leave
tomorrow, I really don’t want a repeat telecast of our last trip once again.”
She hit him lightly at that and he laughed a little before continuing.
“Anyway, talking of unfinished things… I have a bottle of
chocolate syrup in our cupboard that has been lying there for quite a while and
I have plans that include it ON you and these have been in my head for a much
longer period than I would care to admit, for the fear of scandalizing you. So, what
do you say Mrs. Raizada, considering our trip has been cut short by almost five
days, don’t you think we need to start early… and of course, don’t expect many
breaks now.” He winked at her wickedly and then drove his tongue inside her
mouth that had opened in an O at his last comment.
_________________________________________________________________
She retreated
back in the darkness. It was their personal moment, something that no one else
was supposed to see, to share and the truth was that she really didn’t want to.
Yes, she was supposed to be happy for them… for their love and she was… she
was… it was just that the pain that she harbored within her, carried with her,
that lived with her, embittered every other feeling inside her, every other
feeling, except the already bitter ones.
Where did she
go wrong? What did she do to deserve this fate? Why did Khushi get everything
she had ever wanted for herself? Why was she bereft of all that mattered? Why
did it hurt so much? Why was she left alone to hurt… to cry soundlessly? Why
was he leaving her when she needed him the most? Why could he not understand
her fear of what she might see in those reports tomorrow? Why was he running
away? Why was he allowed to run but not her? What if she really wasn’t good
enough to be a mother? Why was she jealous of her sister’s happiness? Why is
she changing? What is silently tearing inside her? What is soundlessly breaking
inside her? Where was the Payal she had always known, loved and hated all at
once gone?
The answers were not found that night. But the process
had started already… For finding the questions was the first step towards
finding the answer… wasn’t it?
_________________________________________________________
“Naniji, humen
aapki bahut yaat aayegi.” Khushi sobbed a little as she hugged the older woman.
This vidayi ceremony had been going on for quite a while now and two people
were quickly loosing their cool, and so while Mamiji made a face, Arnav rolled
his eyes.
“Khushi, we
are coming back in two days okay. Just stop this and come with me.” He made a
move to pull her but she once again looked at everyone and bid a moist farewell
to everyone there.
“Jiji, please
tell Anjaliji that I said bye to her too, okay?” Arnav rolled his eyes once
again, this girl was the limit.
Once in his
SUV, he took his mobile and hers and switched them both off. When Khushi
protested, he silenced her with a kiss and then said to his slightly drugged
wife,
“Khushi for
these two days, I am not willing to share you with anyone and so I am
confiscating this. Our phones will remain off for the duration.”
“But…”
“And don’t worry, Aman knows how to reach me in case of
an emergency, and he not foolish enough to risk his head for anything silly, so we
have the weekend all to ourselves dear.” And kissing her shock off her face, he
finally turned the car and drove out of the Shantivann premises.
________________________________________________________________
“Did you know,
her husband left her.” The woman in red whispered in a voice loud enough for
everyone around her to hear.
“What? I
thought she left him?” the woman in blue was genuinely confused.
Guruji had
taken a short interval while narrating the Ram Katha and the men and women were now
busy telling their own ram-kahanis.
“What! Are you
mad! What woman in her senses would leave her husband, and that too a
handicapped woman? He left her and then her brother, using his power
manipulated the system and got him behind the bars.”
“Is that true,
behenji?”
“Of course, I
have my sources inside the house, so it’s one hundred percent true. I feel so
sad for that man, such a beautiful man and a lawyer too. How many good
lawyers do you find these days? He could have done so much better had he
married my Nisha, but no, Ramji knows what magic that witch had done on him and
look what she did to him. He deserved better, poor man!”
Everything
else had receded to a humm as she moved down the stairs, but that voice rang
clear in hers ears. ‘such a beautiful man
and a lawyer too… and look what she did to him. He deserved better, poor man!’
She found
herself sitting on a bench in some park, having no idea of how she got there.
She had tried calling Chote, but his phone was switched off. She knew she was
being selfish, but it hurt so much. The hurt felt like water, water that
flowed above her now and she was choking, drowning. The suffocation got too
much and she got up, her mind made. Anjali Singh Raizada knew that she was
headed for her doom, but where else could she go? Where else did she belong? More importantly, no where
else did she want to go but to her ruin. She would start now and then when she had reached there, she would just sit, relax and wait… wait for quamat, for the Judgement
Day to come and for the devils to claim her.
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Love,
Srija
